Bimbo the all-Irish-American boy was doing his regular activity as a time traveling leprechaun… wait what? “Grrr… I gotta knock ‘em out for stealing me pot o’ gold… that I also stole fair and square!” Bimbo was flying on a cloud that was leaving a trail of a bright rainbow and glittery gold. When he found the culprits, he started jumping on the cloud, furiously, and struck them all with different colored lightning bolts. He then flew down and hugged his pot. “Woohoo, it’s mine! It’s all mine!” Green and golden hearts flew out from his head. As he went to check if any were damaged, he saw it was… pyrite? “Fool’s gold? GRRRRR… HNNNNNGGGHHH!” Seeing this clearly wasn’t his stuff and something must have happened to his precious gold, shit got serious.
“Hmm, since these fools are dead now, I can’t threaten them to tell me where the real stuff is… guess I’ll have to go to another timeline and get it.” He smirked with angry eyebrows and got out a golden gun. Bimbo then kicked the cloud to make it to fly. “C’mon now! We gotta go!” “Ow! I can feel ya know!” The cloud temporarily became sapient and was rubbing where it got kicked. “Yeah yeah… let’s go.” Bimbo hopped on with a crazed smile. As Bimbo flew and dashed through time, he saw a fabric ripping apart. “Er. Uh, oh… where did we put those needles?” Bimbo was looking all over his clothes. “Too late!” The cloud shouted. There was a colorful explosion with gold sparkles. Bimbo’s corpse was now lying lifelessly, as corpses do, and green blood was oozing out all over the place.
“Yuck! Good thing there’s always a backup!” The cloud unzipped itself from a zipper that appeared out of nowhere and turned into another leprechaun Bimbo. It then summoned a thought bubble to hop on it, but not before stealing from the other leprechaun Bimbo’s corpse and then stuffing his body into a pot to then transform it into gold. “Now let’s get our gold!” Bimbo said now with two golden guns. Bimbo then shot up into the sky and the sky formed an eye that cried and formed a rainbow that teleported him. He was now up in the sky and was rushing down on his cloud.
He saw a fountain in the city where a bunch of people were at and he was aiming down at it and a bunch of people started screaming, and their wallets, and all of their money flew out and went into the fountain. Once they all left, Bimbo then crashed into the fountain causing another explosion of a colorful kaboom. The water then sprang into the air which caused tons of rain and so many rainbows that ended up being a large rainbow. “Ahaha! Look at all this cash! It’s mine, mine, mine!” Bimbo kept hoarding it and hoarding it.
Distracted by greed, the rainbow was doing weird magic shit above him and a bunch of the guys he technically murdered in one timeline came from a different one to beat the shit out of him. “We came from a different timeline to beat the shit out of you!” One of them said. After Bimbo stashed all that cash in his pocket he turned back. “Oh yeah?” Both he and his cloud got golden guns out and started blasting like maniacs. After turning the guys into Swiss cheese, or perhaps Irish cheese, they started morphing into gold and teleported into Bimbo’s pockets. Bimbo kept laughing and laughing at his victory.
Out of nowhere came another leprechaun, Bimbo. “I am you from the past, present and future.” He walked towards the Bimbo in the fountain. “Huh?” He replied. Then the Bimbo in the fountain got shot in the head and oodles and oodles of clover colored blood flew up into the sky and he transformed into the new fountain. The not dead Bimbo then blew at the smoke of his golden gun, and it became whiter and fluffier and became his new cloud. He then flew into the rainbow formed from blood and warped himself into another timeline. In front of him were a multitude of leprechaun Bimbo’s in a green void, playing tic tac toe with leprechaun cereal and he shot at all of them all before they could even act or react. They then all became green sludge and merged into Bimbo, and he became a giant leprechaun Bimbo.
He then left the void and became one with his cloud. As he was in the cloud zone, he could detect a certain someone who often has her head in the clouds across different timelines. He had to be careful not to get his mind clouded too and looked carefully making a crunched up, focused and dedicated face. “Aha!” Finally found his target he busted into a timeline with a storm of budding clovers as he was coming down. “Help! Help!” It was Betty Boop, being held hostage by the guys he had killed twice yet also once technically.
“Save me Bimbo! I dunno what these guys want with me, as they keep bringing up your name, but save me!” Bimbo landed on the ground and was determined to save his shamrock-eyed sweetheart. “Shamrock Punch! Clover Clobber! Rainbow Rip! Harp-burn!” After shouting out weird cheesy anime type sounding moves, the guys would start having clovers grow out of them and scream in agony. He would then bring out golden brass knuckles and finally beat them all to a bloody pulp and they all started bleeding green blood and turned into a giant tree with clover shaped leaves.
“Oh Bimbo!” Betty jumped in Bimbo’s arms and gave him several, perhaps seven cause that's a lucky number, smooches. “Ah… a kiss from you is even luckier than kissing the blarney stone!” Bimbo’s eyes then became concentric green and gold hearts. “Oh Bimbo! Teehee! Hey why were those guys angry enough at you to hold me hostage anyways?” Betty asked. “Well, you see Betty those guys were fae demons that wanted all of me pot o’ gold!” “Oh my!” “That I stole rightfully!” “You what?!” Betty jumped out of Bimbo’s arms and got her purse out and started looking angry at Bimbo. “Gulp.” He nervously smiled as Betty started swinging it around. “Forget that I said that.” She then ran after him.
“Aaaaaahhhh!” He flew on his cloud, but it left a rainbow trail that Betty managed to follow on to. “Now listen here mister! How many times have I told you to not steal things! I don’t care how tempting it may be for you! You do not do that and blah blah blah blah boop oop a blah!” After the two left and presumably went to another timeline, a group of several leprechaun Bimbos went all around the tree, they drew a Celtic knot around it, did a little jig while eating corned beef and cabbage and performed some kind of ritual. They all became one with the tree and it started growing and growing until it reached the skies and green beer was raining down all over everywhere and several magical, wonderful, glorious beer-rainbows could be seen spreading luck, joy and drunkenness everywhere.
Well that sure was a lot for this holiday. What was it again? Oh right, happy St. Patrick’s Day!
